can't seem to write much these days. except long hand- that i do daily. for myself.
but i never, ever read what i write long -hand. i just can't. i write, i release. it's gone. might as well burn the page.

things seem to frequently be a jumble of words and thoughts. fumbled lies and hopes, let-downs of sorts.

but truly, i am o.k. i feel whole, and full-circle-acceptance with everything has made itself valuable. most valuable.

you can't expect much, from anyone, ever. not even your parents. for their poor souls are only as human as yours. they have their demons too, whether they are the screeching loud ones or the in-the-closet-hanging-by-a-noose sort.

this fall is coming to a close and i've nearly made it through. how grateful i am. so grateful for those who helped me through. abby and amber mostly. for being my saving graces. christelle and sara for making me laugh and always responding. dani for being brilliant, a little sad like me, and true blue.

and i honestly want to acknowledge myself. bow to my deepest heart. for persevering, for trying mindfulness and meditation and sticking to it endlessly. for coming off a dependent drug and making it through and feeling healthier than ever.

happy is a dangerous word. a dangerous concept. it's fleeting. but wholeness- ah, wholeness. the essence of the human existence.
that is where i hope you all end up. in wholeness.