every day in nyc, i see young adults/ college students my age through out the colorful and diverse city. i meet intelligent individuals, obnoxious idiots, shy, outgoing, spoiled, wild, friendly, sassy, you name it.

and then you often see the "well to do" young adults (who could fit into any of the categories aforementioned, or otherwise). and sometimes, just sometimes i envy them.

i can't help but become a little bitter when i see a young girl walk into my store with her father's american express and spend $1800.00 on four bracelets and gabs about her recent study abroad trip in paris for a semester. or going into whole foods and counting my pennies while two college girls younger than i grab everything on the shelves, toss it nonchalantly into the cart, check out at the register while texting (i watch the cashier with hawk eyes every time to make sure i'm always charged correctly), then throw everything into the backseat of a cab and drive off (i have to walk home with only the amount that my two hands can carry- you know, because i only have two hands).

or when "friends" and co-workers ask you out for wine and drinks and dinner and dessert when you have only twenty dollars left in the bank and you don't want to have to explain it? eventually, they just stop inviting you.

or moving here with an adequate five figure savings and having it be depleted in one year upon living here. it just sucks to see all the money you have, the only money you have, disappear.

but, such is life. and growing up is hard. they told me it would be.

 i work harder than anyone i know that is my age. not to toot my own horn. but i work so incredibly hard to pay for my school here in nyc (with NO loans), pay my entire rent, bills, credit card, phone, transportation, food, outings, shopping, etc. and sometimes, just sometimes, i wish there a was a money fairy who could sprinkle money into my savings. or that money could grow on trees. (doesn't everyone wish that???)

i'm not doing this to sound like a whiny little bitch. even though i definitely sound like one. i just have to get it out, somehow.

“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.” 
― Charlie, The Perks Of Being A Wallflower